Monday, April 4, 2011

How do I function when my brain is stuck on one thought?

Lately, I've started to notice that one specific thought is prominent in my brain.  It's a thought that seems to repeat itself over and over and over again throughout any given day, and it makes me more aware of my surroundings.  It makes me aware of other people, aware of the environment, of the toxins and chemicals in the air and in our food, of the many parks that are near my home that I never realized were there, and of how disgusting berber carpet really is, especially when you have 3 cats that sleep, puke, and poop on it on a regular basis.  It makes me notice the old rusted cars that have car seats in the back of them, the angry parents in Wal-Mart that have no patience for their 2 year old who they decided to drag grocery shopping at 12:30 in the morning, and that when we go out to eat, 3 of the 4 tables that surround us have baby carriers at them.  All of a sudden, infants and toddlers are EVERYWHERE.  People on Facebook are posting pictures of their little ones or of their pregnant bellies, a woman my husband works with is pregnant, close friends of ours, who are our age, have 2 beautifully adorable children, our neighbors have the cutest 2 1/2 year old that loves playing outside, and let's not even start on the television shows about pregnant teenagers or octamoms.  Point is, when your biological clock starts ticking, you starting hearing it's "tick" every second you're conscious, and even some that you're not.  (Babies.....babies....babies....babies....babies....babies.....)  So what do I do?  How do I function?  How do I get anything done?

As I type this, I'm creating the perfect example for the point I'm trying to make.  Today is Monday, and it's the only day off I get during a normal work week.  I slept until 12:30, and I woke up from a dream that had something to do with babies--boy babies, and this isn't the first dream I've had about babies, all of which have been about baby boys.  (I wish I was kidding here...)  I really want to get some things done, mainly, I'd like to learn 2-3 new songs to teach at my Zumba® Fitness class.  What am I doing instead?  Sitting in Empire* creating a blog on biological clocks and trying to conceive (ttc).

*Empire:  (n.) the love seat in my living room that is surrounded by all of my favorite things, all of which are within arms reach.  Favorite things include, but are not limited to:  laptop, journal, baby books from the library, baby name book, nintendo ds, pokemon game guide, nook book, couch pillows, and a small comfy blanket.  This is the place in our house that I most often plop myself for hours at a time researching pregnancy and babies.

I think getting anything done and peeling myself away from the baby research is just going to take immense will power.  Trouble is, it's like having no food in the house except for candy, pretzels, potato chips, cookies, pasta and other junk food and then trying to convince yourself to get up and drive all the way to the store just to get one little, healthy apple. Yeah, right.  So.  Here I sit.

AND, what's worse is that I have SO MANY THOUGHTS on pregnancy that I could literally sit here and type the worlds longest blog entry and not even think twice about it.  Right now I'm almost boiling over because I want to write about so many things, but I'm desperately trying to keep this post on topic.

Back to topic.  I'll start with an introduction.  My name is Alexa.  I think you already have somewhat of a picture of where my mental state is at the moment, but I'll go over things I enjoyed doing prior to the awakening of my Biological Time Bomb.*  I teach Zumba® Fitness twice a week.  I love it.  I love getting to dance, I love the music, I love the culture, and I love the people.  I'm going to the 2011 Instructor Convention this summer, and I literally can't wait.  Originally, we were putting off TTC until the convention was over b/c I wanted to be able to enjoy everything about the convention without the weight gain, water retention, constipation, gassiness, exhaustion, and etc that comes with pregnancy.  However, my brain has other ideas, so...yeah.  Also, I'm a bit of a dork and I love loved playing pokemon.  In fact, the new game just came out, which I got on the first day of it's release as well as the special edition game guide.  I have not played it in 2 1/2 weeks.  I love reading, mostly sci-fi/fantasy type books, but also teen sci-fi/fantasy, and books such as The Kite Runner, Water For Elephants, the Shopaholic books, the monarchy books by Philippa Gregory, and most recently, any book that has to do with pregnancy, childbirth, baby names, or postpartum.  I like to go to the gym, with my main incentive now being strengthening my core and cardiovascular health to prepare for pregnancy.  Originally, my main gym goal was to tone up and finally lose that little bit of belly fat that seems permanently fixed to my stomach, just below my belly button.  However, I now realize that it will never go away unless I eat nothing except vegetables, oats and protein powder and do a million squats and dead lifts, so....yeah.  I also enjoy going to garage sales, thrift stores, and regular stores, and I love it when I find things for a bargain.  I've been known to purchase things just because they're offered for an unbeatable price, even though I may not need it.  I am a happy, scatterbrained, life-loving individual who enjoys staying busy and loves filling her time with things to do from sun up to sun down.  I find that I'm a little nutty, and I think my husband questions my sanity sometimes.  But that's ok.  I do too.  Other than that, we're stable people who have been together for just about 7 years, have been married for 1 year, and have owned our own 3/2/2 home for 2 1/2 years.  We both have stable jobs, my husband has been at his for 6 1/2 years, and I have been at mine for only 2 1/2 months.  (but it's a good job)  And, the most important thing about me/us....we have decided to start TTC!!!!!

*Biological Time Bomb: (n.)  Kind of like a biological clock, except with a lot more oomph.  A lot like the difference between a roman candle and a bazooka.  I lived in the biological clock phase for about 2 weeks.  Then my body kicked it up a few notches, and here we are.  Creating a blog to further feed my insanity.


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